had this spur to blog w/ a title after doing some work.
and i had a little time with myself. (staring at the computer screen and all)
it had a magical effect on me.
somehow.

though i was pretty brain dead. and i'm mentally worn out.
i really focused on reflecting on this entire year.
and i realized the transitions - from who i was then, and who i am now.
the transient periods were vague.
but i know I passed that stage of self interest to a stage of mutuality once, then moved back to square one again.
i can't even grasp what i'm doing nowadays.
I may have went out with countless of people but can remember nothing I've done.
I've done many things, read up on numerous issues and objects. and nothing gets in.
Nothing significant. or maybe I've too much pride to swallow.

had this brain block.
it wasn't because of the bad mental state i'm in.
but because the block was intentional by my sub conscience.
i know I'm hiding things from my own self.
some things i know but refused to accept.
some things I've seen but refused to agree with.
its incorrigible of me. but I've done it.
how great.

A veil for deceitfulness.
That superiority and ability to damage us against, or to overwhelm us against our will.
The necessary thing always is to be very sure before we yield ourselves, to see that we have not deluded ourselves of our strength of criticism, so that we can judge between what is desirable and what is undesirable.


the world's casting me aside.
and i'm wasting away.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.