Beautiful night. The rain cooled off the crazy heatwave that caught up with Singapore. The sea breeze at East Coast helped to create that perfect setting for a steamboat. Everyone present made the dinner exceptionally delicious. The perfect team to work on any regular day at Jones at any time. The perfect group for a heartwarming gathering on a Monday night.

An endless piece of sky beyond the horizon left me bedazzled for close to half an hour this morning. There was only a hint of sunshine, but the clouds were fluffy white and the sky was clear and blue. It was just that particular spot along the walkway that allowed me to capture that beauty of the moment.

Of course, that didn't cross my mind in an instant. I began to walk forward, towards the rail tracks (which actually marked the horizon where I thought the sky would stretch beyond). The clouds started to gradually turn gray and gloomy, stretch real thin, and slowly disappeared. And just as I thought that maybe that whole beautiful sky thing was just some hallucination of mine, I turned around and there it was again - the same piece of sky, clear and breathtaking.

Arghh how tortuous. How emotions can fluctuate at this rate. It could just be a mismatch. Where expectations weren't met - again. Or maybe just that constant want to receive something. But nothing was ever sent. Maybe a mismatch happens too frequently for anyone to figure it could lead to something significant.

The cool morning breeze charms me back to sleep. Yet the cold white room that would soon be empty keeps me wondering about the changes I would soon be encountering. Its all happening so quickly, but time's still crawling.

Today I will have my say in the journey that would come my way. The unintended coincidence of crossing paths with the person who was once so close by. The unintended competition for a single spot. Sigh - how cruel life is sometimes.

I guess I need to think further. Think faster. Think harder. And think bigger. Can't afford to let my imagination run wild anymore. Can't have my heart dwell in those wishful dreams. Its really like depriving myself from doing what I always felt like doing - but it could turn out to be better.

Besides, maybe you're better off alone.
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Saturday Morning and the train is exceptionally packed - either that or I'm late for work. Right eyelid has been twitching - and I start to wonder what's gonna happen today. Pretty happy to be going back to Jones on the weekend. At least I know today will pass in a flash.

Motto for today: Fast Smiles. Fast Service.

It should work - whether I'm hosting or handling a station in or out.

--------------

Hahs. Brooding over tough decisions. Wonder why its so hard to decide - but the simple Yes and No teasers are always the hardest to handle. Somehow I can't predict the outcome with certainty. And that frightens me too much now. Can't figure where that fear stems from too. The simplification of the decision by the people around makes me wonder if my concerns are dumbfounded. Maybe I just need a little more assurance and confidence. Wonder how much further I can push myself. How much farther I can go. Then maybe all I need to do is take that leap of faith and just say Yes.

Leap of faith. Test of courage. Change of fate.
A free fall; .
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Haven't sat alone at a random bus stop at this hour for a long time. Placed my feet up on the cold metal bench to enjoy the night breeze better. Trees are still but cars keep zooming past. The traffic lights seem to hint the soon approaching christmas fever that was about to hit Jones. Hahs. Feels like another one of those chilly slow nights.

Music blasting in my ears at maximum volume. The noise from my surroundings fade and everything else seem to follow the beat of the song that's playing. Moon peeking shyly over the gray clouds, the strong resemblance stirs me.

Haha. Okay. I need to stop smiling to myself now.

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There was whispering in the background. Shuffling across the dark squeaky room, the path ahead seemed endlessly perplexing. Cautiously approaching the giant iron door, the clanking of keys echoed through the room as it was pulled out of the shallow pockets of that old pair of chinos.

The heavy box of poignant books sat well between the other boxes of melancholy and ache. Walking out of the room and locking the door again, I heaved a sigh of relief.
_________

Somehow it feels better to shut it in before it takes its toll on myself.
Should it really mean that much, bringing it out later would bring about the same sort of emotion all over again.
If I wrote it well, reading it once would evoke the same vivid memories.
Hah - maybe this would make running lighter and more refreshing.

The Pompeii exhibition kept me exhilarated the whole night. Images of the final hours, together with the resin casts and Fresco images - they all felt sorrowfully pleasant. Indulged myself in the amazing story of Cleopatra and her lovers - Julius Caesar and Marc Antony. And the introduction to the exhibition of the once buried roman city by Zhuangzhuang came just in time.

Today (or actually yesterday), was a pretty meaningful day to celebrate for me. Or at least, I made it a point to keep myself happy throughout.

Its Friday ! And Fridays are always eventful.
Its been far too long since I've felt like this. How refreshing.

To the lovelorn soul out there: Fret not the feelings of the other. For what matters most (now) are the feelings of your own. If you love her much then don't let her go. (;
All the best yo!

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Just realized that I dozed off on the sofa whilst typing my periodic report, and I feel particularly perturbed over what the doctor said to me in the clinic.

So here's how the conversation went; (the doctor's different from the one I saw the other night, who just gave me a jab so I could go home to rest):

Syl: Oh I came just the other night to make the swelling go off and now its back on my elbow and thighs.
Doc: Oh, so what did the other doctor say when you came the other time?
Syl: Uh, I don't know. What do you think it is?
Doc: I think its an allergy, some sort of infection, or maybe it's toxins. There are many causes for this sort of thing. You need to eat more vegetables and eat healthily. I think you have an eating disorder.
Syl: Oh.

Mum: So what is it that she's eating that's making her swell?
Doc: Well, anything could have made that happen. It's just bad eating habits. Every disease and illness starts from bad eating habits. Everything she ate could be a cause.
Mum: Oh.

Syl: Could I also get some medicine for my sore throat? It's really scratchy, and my nose has been running. I think I had a fever last night too.
Doc: Let me check your temperature (*stuffs mercury thermometer down my throat*)
Syl: Uhh.. I don't think I have a fever now.
Doc: Yeah, we'll see about that. Oh, no fever. You're okay.
Syl: Oh really?

Mum: I think she needs an MC. I want her to rest today.
Doc: Ok. Go out.
Syl: Uh. Okay. Thanks?


And that was it. I waited for close to an hour for that visit. I did get my jab when my mum was conversing with the doctor. But man. This doctor's really weird. I had not much of a conversation with the previous doctor when I visited her in the wee hours in the morning. Forgot to ask for the cause of my swelling entirely. I briefly remember something about not knowing the exact origin and cause of my allergy attack. But man, this doctor really freaked me out and got me laughing as I left the clinic.

It could be an allergy, infection or something due to toxins? So which?
There are many causes to such a thing - yeah, duh. That's precisely why I'm seeking some professional advice to guide me along and figure out the cause so I don't trigger it again.

I need to eat more vegetables and healthily, and I could have an eating disorder. She made it sound like vegetables was the immediate cure to my current symptoms. And come to think of it, there aren't much greens in the staff meals provided by Jones anyway. Maybe I should consider doing up my own salad for work. But how did I come to have an eating disorder - that I start to wonder. That was an utterly defaming, demoralizing and hurtful statement. Sigh. I went to google Eating Disorders, and (damn the doctor) none of the specific descriptions of eating disorders matched my eating habits and behaviors.

The end of the consultation was the most hilarious to me. Especially when she said that anything I ate could be a trigger to the allergy attack (duh). What in the world was she thinking, I really wonder. I felt like some cuckoo talking to some cuckoo. The fact that she even shoved a mercury thermometer under my tongue even after I told her I had a fever LAST NIGHT just shows that she wasn't listening attentively to me at all. Her receptionist at the counter was busy as hell, and utterly frustrated since she could not catch up with the pace of the doctor. Dispensing medicine whilst handling registrations as patients kept streaming in.

Oh wells. If only being a doctor was this simple. Let the patients know they need to eat well, and eat more vegetables. Tell them everything they are suffering from now is caused by some eating disorder and bad eating habits. Prescribe some antibiotics and anything else the previous doctor prescribed. Take their temperature the minute they mention fever. And tadah! Out. Out they go. And KACHING - 30 bucks comes in.

So much for seeing a doctor. Thank goodness for the MC too though. The pain and itch at the back of my thighs is getting unbearable. I'm laying chest down on my bed and balancing two ice packs on the red swollen patches on the back of my thigh to keep myself from rubbing it. I know I'm supposed to complete my periodic report soon and get some rest but I thought some blogging could keep me up for a bit.

Googled (omg I love Google) and found that I could probably be suffering from Hives or Urticaria. The most possible cause I found, could be due to an infection.

Infections
Hive-like rashes commonly accompany viral illnesses, such as the common cold. They usually appear 3–5 days after the cold has started, and may even appear a few days after the cold has resolved.
- Wikipedia

Well. I am suffering from a cold. So.. that's probably it? Ah wells. This is better than knowing I have an eating disorder that could be causing the swelling. And interestingly, the doctor covered almost every possible cause by stating that 'anything I ate could be the cause of it.' Toxins, allergy or infection. Thats basically everything too right? Well making multiple predictions in hopes of getting one right just doesn't work sometimes.

Anyways - just thought I should note this down for fun: Jone's 30kg door came off yesterday. What a joke.

Okay, back to my report.

Trudging to work with a heavy head and a running nose is such a pain. I feel cold everywhere I go - but I insist on not wearing a jacket since feeling cold indicated that I was actually warm and losing heat so I needed to cool down. Weird logic I know. Ah, but who cares? Its Sunday! - I know this sentence doesn't entirely make sense.

My butt cheeks still hurt from the injection last night. So much for random allergy attacks.

Blogging when mood-less is such a pain too. But sigh I just want to entertain myself with something on the train since boredom just eats right into me. And moving my fingers keeps me slightly warmer than just doing nothing at all. Ah, I should just read a book.

Sigh, guess I just needed to rant. Roar. Sniff. Cough.
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Typed an entire post on my BB that got deleted when I placed my phone down on the cashier when I was purchasing a bottle of Minute Maid Pulpy Orange Fruit Juice. LOL

I'm starting to enjoy bus rides more than train rides, interestingly. Probably because of the sights and scenes that come with each bus ride. Buildings that keep getting taller. Trees that keep groing older. Roads that keep getting worn and gray. And people I see on the streets who are never the same. The road to work just keeps me fascinated.

Been hosting in Jones yesterday. Families kept flocking in in large groups expecting to be sat almost immediately (as usual). Some how I feel like I'm starting to pull away from the job. I mean I love hosting - it keeps me going on my feet, allows me to talk to customers about almost anything and everything (even though they often end up being more interested in my job at Jones or why the store doesn't do chilli sauce and croissants). Hmm, I guess I just need to pay more attention, be a little more meticulous, and show a little more TLC to make people love Jones just as much as I do.

Speaking of which! I asked Nicki a pretty stupid question yesterday which left me baffled for the entire afternoon after that. (Yeah, I stunned myself). I asked him why do people love Jones this much even with all the complaints and stuff. And he just said 'But you love Jones too?!' Sigh. How stupid.

---- 8am

Hosting today was pretty fun. Tried my best to do whatever I could to clear tables and get people seated quickly. But I never did a proper follow through with any customer today. My soaring temperature, sore throat and bad nose shortened my attention span tremendously. I found myself drowning in heaps of honey and water to no avail. But oh wells, guess the customers who dropped by today made up for all that. Met a couple of familiar faces today. Felt really happy to recognize people and have them identify me by name. Cashier-ing at the end of the day kept me awake at least.

On a side note; the crowd at Jones today was exceptionally small. Like, seriously, only half of the number of people expected for breakfast turned up today. The waiting list was never REALLY filled up. (I mean it was somehow, probably because I insisted on scribbling the names of the customers at the entrance on the waiting list even though I knew there were available tables so I could strike them off for fun.) Minus all the lame names I took to waste space, I guess only 5-7 groups of customers REALLY queued at all. The rest got their tables almost immediately. And to me, that was refreshing - especially for a Saturday.

Dinner with the usual lovelies and now I'm on my way home. I really wonder how I'm gonna get rid of all that pressure in my head now. My temples feel like they are bursting any moment now. And my throat is so scratchy, even drinking water hurts. Pepsi relieved me of that pain for a bit but now I'm back to square one. Sigh. How torturous.

---- 8pm

4th November 2010.

Dear Diary.

I want to complete my report.
I want to scream for ice cream.
I want to swim in the Pacific.
I want to see a volcano erupt.
I want to walk across the Great Wall in China.
I want to discover a buried Pharaoh.
I want to count a million stars.
I want to paint a waterfall.
I want to cycle across Singapore.
I want to jump off a cliff and dive.
I want to write down the millions of things I want to do.

But right now.
There's only one thing I want to do.

May my birthday wishes come true.

Thanks Diary.

Signing off
Syl.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.