Rooth's returning from Shanghai today! And my heart's thumping faster with excitement with each passing second.

Sometimes I'd long for more seconds in a minute, more minutes in an hour, and more hours in a day. I find it ridiculous to express the many instances where my heart desired an extension of a fantasy which felt like reality.

Rash as it may seem - I often trap myself in overt emotions and lock myself in. I'm dying to aggravate a sudden drive towards something I've yet to discover.

Balancing the qualms of insecurities and insatiable curiosity with everything else worthwhile. I'm still trying to discover my sweet spot in life.

Maybe I'll enjoy the benefits of the law of double jeopardy.
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Who would ever know the little joys and happiness experienced by our mentors and principals when they see us do well - I wonder.

No matter how strict or firm they may be towards us, no matter how we used to show displeasure when they give us assignments or advice - they still smile with utmost pride when they see us do our best.

Today I see our dear principal of Ngee Ann. A youthful looking man with a side part in a smartly pressed, grey shirt, a blue tie neatly done, dress pants and shoes. He warmly congratulates each and every student by name, as they go up to him gracefully to accept a gift he gave. He proudly hands over the certificate to the student, pats his shirt, and dusts his tie and smiles eagerly to snap a shot.

At that moment. I felt loved by this man who dedicated his life to education and building up the younger generations.

Hustling and bustling about the stage right now trying to greet the donors who so willingly joined his venture in building up the lives of even more students this year, he busies himself with reassuring students that they look good. And positions them with grace and happiness on stage to get them ready for a shot. He then quickly thanks them and extends him hands out to usher them to the reception and tells them he would be there to join them soon.

This is greatness I truly admire. And I feel deeply honored to be sponsored by him through my years in Ngee Ann. (:


Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

My cousin's flying back today to spend the weekend with me! Haven't seen her in quite a bit. Missed her travel stories and photo sharing sessions. But I guess that wouldn't even be possible if she didn't travel that much! haha! How ironic.

Just flew up to cloud nine and roamed about for a bit before I was pulled back down to Earth by the events and tasks to complete before the end of the week.

Scholarship presentation today's gonna be a little monotonous. Going through the whole regime is gonna be tedious - but I guess that's how we show appreciation to the people who so willingly donated money to students to motivate them to work harder. I'm only looking forward to the tea reception at the end of it, better be worth the wait!

The afternoon jog yesterday showed me how quickly my physical condition has deteriorated over the past few weeks. Time to train up - slow and easy, again! Need to build up some lung capacity to ensure I breathe healthily for the next few decades (I hope!) So I've decided to keep running each Friday during Balympics, while learning a new sport!

Balympic's pretty successful I must admit. And I'm really proud of the committee. True to their words, they never lost faith, never lost focus, and were always keeping pace to ensure all their tasks and deadlines were completed and met. Huuuuurah to them! :D

Loved Tchoukball last Friday. Gonna love Frisbee today! :D And I look forward to Aly's home baked pastries! :D Gosh, since when was BA society so fun! :D
Gosh - and all that NPSU meetings and tea receptions are seriously lame but addictive. FREE FOOD on top of heaps of laughter and jokes with Keh Lim, Lynn and Aly. <3!

Rain's pouring endlessly, and the weather's great for any thing special! And today is special. (:

Maybe great things will happen today! And maybe we'll all be rewarded with rainbows after the rain! *cross fingers!*

And now, off I go.

Because it crushes.
Maybe what I do may be just too overbearing for one.
Because it hurts.
Maybe what I say may be unjustifiable for another.
Because it neglects.
Maybe what I feel may be biased towards one.
Because it kills.
Maybe the consequences will drown me in sorrow.

That's about all I will do, and all I can do.
Maybe getting hurt in the process just sucks - because you know your actions are not creating that positive end.
So much for no expectations.
No expectations of the people around me, yes.
No expectations of myself - no.
I hate to spell it out, but I think I've just dumped myself into a bed of thorns.
Because it hurts on any side I turn.

My emotional roller coaster just took a dip for the day. Heart's screaming without a sound. Maybe hiding under the silky covers of the comforter will make me feel comforted. Beautiful tunes from the saxophone - maybe that'll smother the cuts. My quiet surroundings may just be the perfect companion at this time of the day.

Time for work.
Time for rest.
Time for wounds to heal.

Woke up today with emptiness.

The Morning Express crew on Class 95.0 did no magic today. Ebi was sleeping soundly by my side, oblivious to the emotions around her. So the curtains flowed with the morning breeze that streamed in, as if consoling me, telling me that all was alright.

Got up expressionless.

Took a deep breath, mustered up some strength and adjusted some facial muscles to greet my uncle and aunt a good morning with that usual morning cheer. Then I took a long shower to make up for all that energy use.

Strolled out, breathing deeply.

The morning air is still as crisp. Cars still hustling and aunties bustling in the neighborhood. So much remains the same while so much has changed.

Anticipation.
The pursuit of an ever changing paradise.
Hopeful.
Maybe brighter, more colorful days have yet to come.

My faux optimism level is scaring me. Shallow expressions that shadow the emotions deep within.
Not afraid to fall - I'm not sure how it'll be.

Maybe time is all it takes to do everything possible. But there are just some things time cannot erase.

Its alright to turn away - I'll still be here. No matter.

Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Kept awake by that flighty emotion.
Even the strongest pills aren't making me sleep.
The need. The want.
The things I can give. The things I can't ask of. The things I want to receive.

Keeping up with hopes and dreams. Holding on to the faith I've always believed in.

Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Give something. Take something.
Say something. Hear something.
Do something. Don't do some things.
Get something. Throw something.
Remember something. Forget something.
Pamper something. Neglect something.
Write something. Erase something.
Drop something. Pick up something.
Type something. Backspace something.
See something.
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

A lil' more unusual than usual.
I need to start writing more.
Need more quality time with myself, some space to breathe and more room to think.
Been searching for answers in vain.
I lost sight of most of my life; lost control and focused on emptiness.
Feet's cold, heart's colder; eyes closed, my heart closes.
Grey skies loom above my head, I look up and raindrops sashay.
Pillows, blankets and lots of hugs from my teddies and bolster.
Ribbons, bow ties and pretty lillies. Balloons, frills and lace.
Comfort from the cushion, the silence, the pain.
Hypocrisy unveiled - I need to reign.
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Moon river, wider than a mile. I'm crossing you in style, some day.
You dream maker, you heart breaker; where ever you're going, I'm going your way.

Two drifters, off to see the world. There's such, a lot of world to see.

Remember the same rainbow's end.
Waiting round the bend.
My huckleberry friend.
Moon river - and me.

Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Sitting alone in the library cafe can be so... unnerving.
Not sure why, but I've been really uptight about everything else I guess. Not sure if I show it but I'm sure I'm feeling it quite bad.

I stare at the trees, the grass, the taxis that zoom past and all the construction work happening opposite at the new block 73 - everything's changing.
Then why am I so rigid and resistant to change?

Sigh. I really wanna type more - but I'm becoming so resistant to even expressing myself on this journal.

Time to be honest with myself somewhere else. Hope it wouldn't hurt that much.

Woke up today craving for french fries, when I realised I was having a bad throat already. Oh, how the body tortures itself sometimes. :(

I recall vividly the scenes and tunes from The Sound Of Music by Julie Andrews. Its been one of the best shows I've watched in my life. And the songs are classic. Kinda brought my spirits up at the end of the day, so thank God for that.

The night at the nature park was creepy. Felt weird stares, a presence, noises and sudden movements all about. Freaked me out quite a bit. But nonetheless, it made me want to watch horror even more.

Maybe Ngee Ann's against all that horror crap - I could hardly find a decent horror movie in their racks. :( sigh. Shall contemplate if I should fill up the resource purchasew form to get the library to buy more horror titles. Haha!

Last day of the 1st week of July! The end of this first semester is drawing near and I've yet to enjoy enough of Ngee Ann before I leave for internship. :(
Thank god again for the freedom to roam the island during my work hours! :)

Its a great morning! Filled with music, chatter and lots of fun! :)
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Today I felt that my groans were heard by God. Or it was his miraculous anonymous gifts that did some magic to my life.

I'm starting to take baby steps towards another route in life.

Stood firm in decisions I've made recently - just wondering how these decisions could have changed my life entirely if I decided otherwise, and how it would have affected the people around me.

I'm starting to discover real, true love. Not a boy-girl relationship kinda thing. I'm talking about love - for my friends, my peers, strangers, colleagues, elders, relatives, family, school, environment, food, modules, happenings, strangers, or just the world.

It struck me just yesterday. I told 2 people I was a little upset that I couldn't find a way to care or be there for them, just as they had for me. Felt like I was a bad friend.

Then I wondered.

Why would I feel bad? Why do I insist on doing something for them? Why did I have to persist to find out if they lack something or were in need of something they don't have?

Then I concluded somehow, that maybe, I wasn't capable enough to be there for them. Maybe I was just not mature enough to handle their problems. Maybe I was never there at the right moments to be by their side. Or maybe, I haven't listened enough.

So now. I thought the best way to be a good friend - was to be stronger. Be braver. Be more capable. Grow up. Be always there for them when they need somebody. Listen even more. And keep them dear by me.

I hope I can be better. For better or worse. And I'm really really glad they've stood by me.

Treasuring the things around me as much as I can. I hope I'm not holding on too much.
Right now, I just need a spurt of courage and boost in confidence to do what I need to do.

So many people with hopes placed on me. What happens if I choose to let them down? Will I ever do that? Sometimes I feel like one day I might do something so darn irresponsible like that to kick myself in the butt and drown myself in shame and misery.

Just a thought. I'll work hard I hope.

Christmas Party.
Fund Raisers.
Camps.
Sports.
Competitions.
Projects.
Life. <3!
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

I currently feel it all come upon me - I feel like I've been committing tonnes of mistakes, small ones, big ones.
Each and every one of them are coming back to haunt me one by one.
And I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling really down because of them. In fact, I'm starting to feel defensive, over my actions. Are they really wrong? Or is it just me? Or is it the different perspective someone may have over the same action I am doing?
I'm not sure.
All I know is I'm put down. I've been defeated by my emotions. I've allowed my mistakes to overthrow my determination to improve.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.