I couldn't get to sleep, so I thought I would try to do some posting.

Spring Cleaning is up soon, but the excitement seems to be fading. :( I'm not sure what I can expect, but oh wells, I'll take it as it comes along. :) with Glenn, Jiamin, Zhuangzhuang and Enping, together with an awesome sub committee, it'll definitely work out fine. :)

Zhuangzhuang has been really ill for a while. Not sure when it started, but I bet all the germs in her phlegm are the cause. :x really hope she gets well soon! :) May the new year fairies bless her with good health and might! :)

Didn't see Gary for almost a week until he dropped by last night. :) And also today when we had dinner at his place. His mum cooks the bessst soups. :) And I hope Gary found comfort in me. :)

Probably it's just that I've lost some drive in life. Lost focus on what is really important. Never have a felt so distant from reality. So awkward, yet so familiar.
Maybe the world's changing. Or maybe I am shifting too rapidly. Maybe its just me. Maybe I'm not as good as I thought I would be already.
Losing faith but holding on tight, I never want to be falling. Honestly, telling myself everything is alright seems to be the hardest thing to do right now.

Today started beautiful! :) It was raining and prolly the best time to snooze in and cuddle up in bed. :D Got up pretty early to shower and head to gary's place. It's his big day today- last common test paper, first day of holiday on the royal carribean. :)

Breakfast with his family was joyful. I tensed up from time to time when I found myself becoming sarcastic and mean. Meant to tease, but I was still afraid they would take it differently. Haha. Maybe thats what happens when I need approval and assurance. Insecurity about every single thing done. :x

Now gary's taking his paper. And I'm on my way to meet zhuangzhuang to go to the police licensing division over at Cantonment Street @ Outram! :) I actually managed to apply for the license online, but I guess we're heading down to make sure. Just in case. :D

In case you were wondering how I can miraculously blog while I'm out, I am using the email blog function again. :x
lalala.
3 days of holiday for gary. Camp and projects for me. Then Christmassssss! :D
Its the season to be jolly fwalalalala lala la la!

Can't wait to meet up with yueyue theresa and pow too. Realised I've been to cut off from reality these days. sigh. :(
I love Decembers! :D

The weather is perfect to sleep in, but I'm still not in bed. Common tests are ending too soon, and then poof* holidays. I really wonder why I dread this holiday so much. The only event I am actually looking forward to is only the getaway with my family in Genting Highlands.

I'm probably on the verge of slipping into depression with my current low state. There's not much life anymore is there. Or maybe my ego has been hurt to much for me to recover altogether.

Maybe the time will come when I stand up and start yelling like a mad monkey again. My temperament has been fluctuating though. Sometimes I get mad, and other times I feel like shutting up.

Roar. I can blame the rain, the skies, the clouds and the grass but I think it all goes back to me. There's this problem with me. I hate to admit it. Hate to admit whatever is within me that I hold on so tightly to. Hate to know that everything else falls with that stupid thought of mine.

To hell with the world's perception of me. Reality is never pleasing. Maybe responsibilities are subjective - because I may never have been given the responsibility I thought I held a long time ago.

Doing my best, and being the best in the eyes of others. That's a rather big gap. Right now, I need some brand new experience. Something to agitate my mind and bring me to a whole new level. Otherwise, I might start falling - and failing.

I will always remember the worse hyperventilation I experienced on the way to school. I really thank God for friends like youwei, zhuangzhuang and ruth to be around me in times of need. (:

The experience was bad, and good. No idea why I teared so much. I doubted if the pain really came from my chest, or my heart. My emotional baggage is heavy, I admit. I hate to say it, but the nicer you are, it seems, the more heavy your heart becomes. It's a good thing I hope.

The paramedics and the nurses from NUH were generally hotter than those found in polyclinics. Apart from the fact that they were much younger, they had nicer smelling and looking hair, distinct features, and a fabulous smile.

I think they just took my breath away, each time one walked past my ward and smiled to ask if I were ok. It took my only 5 minutes in the ward to recover from hyperventilation without the oxygen mask. HAHA. And I took ages but never got better in school. It just goes to show the quality of people we have around. :x

Apparently, my acute situational body reaction caused a minor uproar back at the bus stop and at the ba staff office. What a funny thing.

Anyhoos. Common tests have been hectic. I'm still slacking. When I should be studying for Thursday's Accounting paper. So darn tired. My brain totally jammed up when I was reading Service Ops Management. Gave up after 2 hours yesterday.

The Debut was cancelled. Really hit me hard. Felt like there was something poking me. :( Oh wells. Graduation Ball will still do well. :)

Spring Cleaning coming up and I'm darn excited. Sub committee and Committee are all awesome people! :D Hope the drive keeps growing! :D

Alright. I've been emailing and typing the whole day, my fingers and eyes hurt.

Ciao!


there's nothing holding it in. but its still there.

Testing. I'm not sure if this works. But I'm giving this a shot. :x I'm using my email to post on my blog again, after a super long time.

Common tests are this week. And gary fell ill. I'm almost going mad with emotions. Not sure how it all came about. :(
but I think today will be better. Onward sylvia! :D

I know you better than that. :)

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Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.