can i scream?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the screamer.
can i yell?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the nasty girl.
can i express distaste?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the ingrate.
can i show displeasure?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the arrogant.
can i gossip?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the loudmouth.
can i get angry?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the petty.
can i stop talking?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the anti-socialist.
can i ignore?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the ignorant.
can i take initiative?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the thick-skinned.
can i leave it?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the gutless.
can i cry?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the weak.
can i stand out?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the attention seeker.
can i stand firm?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the stubborn.
can i stand tall?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the stuck up.
so can i just shut up, keep to myself, maintain a low profile, and not express any emotion?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the cold blooded freak.

yea.
nothing fits.
seriously,
i must admit-
i haven't successfully adapted.
and nothing is helping.
getting used to takes much courage and strength.
but i guess my energy's depleting.
i second guess my courage is wearing thin.
losing faith in myself would be the last thing i want happen.
it takes years to build that pillar of confidence;
and a minute to collapse it.

its time i beat a retreat.
maybe a month.
or two.
or even a year.
meanwhile.
i'd still be me,
but not me as in me.
the only thing i can probably do is just sit still.
i promise to put in a 101% effort if you need help.
but apart from that-
i need to breathe.
and just think.

and i guess its time i went on a solo date.
Me. Myself. and I.
(:
miss the breeze and the tranquil silence.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.