ummm.
i've no idea what i'm doing these days.
i'm a little depressed over what i am trying to do.
getting over such overwhelming sadness is like..
so HARD.
i'm trying already ok.
trying really really hard.
i try not to do things that go out of my life routine.
i try not to put too much time into such thoughts.
i try not to ignore problems because of this particular person.
so when i try.
i think.
so here's what usually run through my mind.

YOU.
yes YOU.
YOU bloody hell of a sicko.
i wonder why you're in my mind.
YOU dumb.
i wonder why your name appear countless times in my diary.
YOU ass.
i wonder why i yearn to see you everyday.
YOU idiot.
i wonder why i'm so into you.

after entertaining such thoughts,
i'd wonder.
maybe its not his fault.
its mine.
then i'd start laughing.
then i'd realise i've spent so long thinking about such stuff.
and usually,
i'm supposed to be doing something else at that particular moment.
and i end up wasting my time.
and i have to make up for time loss by skipping certain essentials.
like my breakfast.
or.
my study time.
or.
the computer.
hahahs.
yepp.
problems arise when i start changing my routine.
maybe i shall not state.
but i choose to ignore.
like leave them chucked at the corner of somewhere.
then i wander off in my thoughts and forget all about it.
=x
i don't know.
but i know i'm weird.
really weird these days.
LOL.
xD



i'm going to live like this.
with you somewhere out there.
and another one of you in me.
maybe this is how i spend my time.
with you in my head.
all those vivid pictures.
beautiful ones.
precious ones.
all kinds.
i'd paint them if i'm a artist.
i'd write them if i'm a poet.
paint and draw with beautiful colours.
scribble and describe with beautiful words.
but i can't-
who bothers.
i'd simplify it.
the birds shall sing.
the flowers shall smile.
and you.
are the sun above all.
:)

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.