i'm freaking pissed with my mum okay.
WHAT THE HELL LAHS. i really mean it. WHAT THE HELL.
it was just a normal phone conversation just like any other day.
i just had to tell her i was home ON THE DOT. and then i dunk the phone.
bullshit.
she just had to rant at me.
from my sister who overshot her pocket money from 3 bucks to 10 ;
to me spending too much money;
then to her selling the flat,
and then to why we are spending ALL our money and not saving[bullshit] ;
and to asking me for a solution to save money to solve our 'problem'.
what the heck lahs.
just because she's confused whether or not she should get the house doesnt mean its MY fault that she is not able to pay up the lump sum.
so she insisted on an answer.
so i told her.
that the only solution, I, as a secondary school student could come up with, was to give up eating in school and give her my pocket money.
like please lahs.
MY POCKET MONEY A MONTH IS MY ONLY SOURCE OF LUNCH AND WANTS.
she expects me to pay for my transport just because she sees me save up to buy my favourite korean drama.
wtf;
its just 100 bucks.
its as if i could buy the universe with it.
perhaps i am like my mum.
i CANNOT stand the way she talks to me.
neither can she.
THE THING IS.
SO WHAT IF SHE IS MY MUM.
DOESNT MEAN THAT WHAT SHE REMEMBERS IS TRUE.
her memory SUCKS..
bloody hell.
and she INSISTS that i said to my aunt " Why did you tell mummy she must buy the house?"
when i said" Why did you even tell mummy about buying a house?"
see no difference?
THINK AGAIN.
IT MAKES A HELL LOT OF DIFFERENCE OKAY.
and so i took my stand.
AND GUESS WHAT.
SHE SAID: ' I AM YOUR MUMMY OKAY- DONT KEEP INSISTING THAT YOU ARE CORRECT. WHEN I SAY ITS RIGHT> MEANS ITS RIGHT. UNDERSTAND YOU ASS BRAIN IDIOT. "
don't believe she said that?
she did.
so guess what.
i didn't reply.
my eyes dont usually form tears because i have a tendency to tolerate all sorts of heartbreaking and assholic moments.
but honestly.
i dont rmb what came over me at that time.
all sorts of hatred and anger and rage.
i just felt like shouting at her.
she tells me NOT to use words like this on ppl.
i agree. i once used it because i couldnt grasp the hurt of it.
but now;
every now and then when she feels like it she shouts at us.
using words that no one would ever imagine a mum use on a child.
why can't she just understand.
i don't retaliate just because i am feeling rebellious.
i do so because I AM TIRED TOO.
just because she's troubled over her problem doesnt mean i dont have my own.
her problem becomes mine because she takes it out on me.
add on those that i have.
WTH.
what kind of bullshit is she trying to say when she brags about her STRESS AT WORK-
what kind of stress can she get other than her little quarrels with her boss and her irresponsible colleagues.
i am just FOURTEEN.
just let me live my life like any other girl in the world.
from their divorce till now.
i havent said anything.
SO LET ME BE.
i think i'm going to breakdown soon.
like as if i've turned my back onto this world and shutting myself down.
sometimes i wish i didnt have any responsibilty.
just me. and the way i want life to be.
nothing more.
no you. no her. no him.
NOTHING.

=(

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.